It has been a while since I have come here to update you all on life. Even friends in real life say they don't see me much (I don't leave the house that often) and many only get to see Thomas and Hope through photos on Facebook. I recognize that this is just our state in life right now. I knew, in a way, that this time would feel like we were on a high speed train and it truly does. The days are busy with playing with and reading to toddlers, nursing Hope and just staring at her when she is giving her smiles and coos, and conversing with our three oldest (and shuttling them to different activities). But, I am slowing things down for a moment to share a little in this space . . .
Hope is 7 weeks old! She is only 7 weeks old, still so young, yet I already miss the tiny newborn stage. Last week, I had to put away all of the newborn clothes we had for her and switch it with 3 month clothes and I started to get all nostalgic for the teeny tiny newborn I had just a few weeks ago (I am weird, I know). I just love having a baby again. I love baby grunts, baby smiles and baby coos; which she has been happily supplying us with for a few weeks now. I love the way she scrunches up her body and face when you pick her up while she is sleeping. And I adore how all of her brothers and sister adore her too.
At the beginning of the month we baptized Hope and Thomas. We had a triple baptism with Thomas' God parents who had a baby girl just weeks before Hope was born. I could not wait for the day. It was beautiful and so special After having such a rough road in bringing theses two souls into our family, I was so ready to witness them come into our church family. I had two favorite moments of the day. The first was the moment I first saw Thomas in his baptismal outfit. Pete had gotten him dressed in the hall next to the chapel while I had gone to the car to get something. I closed up the car,turned around, and there was my son in his white Chinese outfit, ready for his special day. Seeing him, ready to be baptized, looking so so handsome, made me cry with joy. I scooped him up and held him, thanking God for the promise of this life coming into our family. My favorite part of the baptism was probably not what you would think . . . .it was the moment when our pastor asked is "What names have you given your children?" There was something so amazing about hearing "names." Plural. More than one. BOTH my children, long prayed for, long hoped for, were in our family, in our arms. In that moment, I was in awe of the mercy of our God who allowed for the day to come; for these gifts given.
I am doing well. There is lots of hard and I am working to get used to it all. I think I am handling all the adjustments fairly well. I wish I had more time to spend with each child, individually, but, I know this is just a season. I am working to embrace the constant laundry and dishes that need to be done, and the mess of toys that is so frequently found on my floors. I often feel bad that I am not getting my kids to more activities, sports, library story times, etc, but it is good that I am not too. It is teaching me that the most important moments in parenting aren't the activities you have your kids in, trips you take them on, or gifts you give them, but it is your presence. It is rubbing your toddler son's back as he falls asleep. It is sitting in your almost teen son's bedroom, chatting about his day. It the smiles and laughs shared. Those are the things that matter most.
This time also feels very lonely at times too. As mentioned before, I stay home A LOT. The longer Thomas has been home, the more I realize that I cannot be as attentive to his needs as I need to be if we are in social situations. Most people probably wouldn't even notice the subtle changes in his behavior etc, that I see, but I do see them and I know that he needs more time separated from social situations, than I need to be out of this house, so we stay home. We take cocooning very seriously. We know this time is precious and so needed and so we sacrifice to do what is best for this precious boy. I try to remember that on the days that I just want to be at the pool, chatting with friends. And all I need to do is look at Thomas for more than a second, and I melt. Yep, totally worth it!
So, this blog may be really quiet for a while, as lots of life happens on the other side of the computer screen. But, I will try to update it every so often.