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Update Post

It's January.  But, I think you all already knew that. Months have slipped by without so much as a word, in this, my corner of the Internet.  Much like animals that hibernate in the winter, I have felt very sheltered over the past few months.  We have been "cocooning" as adoption circles call it.  We were at mass this past Sunday (we do go every week, in case you doubt) and I still was amazed by the number of people who came up to me and remarked that they had not seen Felicity before.


We have been home two months.  It seems like a long time, yet it seems so little.  We are still attempting to find a new normal, and are just not quite there yet.  After three weeks off from tutorial, all of the boys started back to homeschooling this week.  Homeschooling is not quite as easy with our "toddler tornado" around, but we are making it work the best we can.

Felicity continues to do well.  She is attaching to us, bonding with her brothers and is happiest when everyone is home together. The process of her melding into our family is much like dancing.  Some days are two steps forward, one step back.  Other days it is a step forward and two steps back.  I have never been good at dancing, but I am letting God and Felcity lead.  The dance is beautiful and we are moving forward. 

Each day we get to see more of her personality.  And it is a BIG, STRONG personality.  I look at the pictures of her from her first day with us . . .

Gotcha Day - October 2014
with her cold, dark eyes and a blank scare.  She was afraid.  I barely recognize that little girl anymore.  There is a light in her eyes now (and she has gained inches and pounds!!)  Even though there are moments when that scared little girl is clearly still present, the days and hours of her presence are rare. Felicity does well out and about too.  We are getting better at recognizing when a situation is a bit overwhelming for her and we just keep her close and work to get home faster. 
January 2015

The hardest moments come at night.  She still does not sleep well, preferring to always be touching me, even if it is with just her foot.  Night time is clearly the time when she grieves and releases stress from the day.  Our poor little girl will often cry at night in a way none of my boys have done.  The first few times it happened, we figured it was something she ate. But now, after two months home, we can tell there is something deeper than indigestion going on.  We just hold her and love her through it the best we can.

I love our little girl fiercely.  While I know it is not always the case with adopted children, my love and bond for her was strong from the moment she was placed in my arms.  She is my daughter and I love her no differently than my sons that I gave birth to.  Just the other week, Caleb, even said, "Mom, is it strange that I think Felicity looks like us?"  I chuckled.  She looks nothing like us, but Caleb's sentiment was felt.  She is a part of us, no matter where she started from, she has been knitted into our family and something would be missing if she were not here.

These two months with her have been profound in many ways. God has used this time to teach me so much about His love, grace and redemption.  There are moments I just want to pour those words out over the keyboard and hit publish, but more often than not, my hands are filled with the little girl that has been the avenue through which God is growing and molding me. 


I am off to enjoy the giggles of my daughter, who should be sleeping, but is not.  Please continue to pray for us!  Pray, too, for Felicity, especially.  She will be having surgery next week to repair her palate.  Pray for a quick and speedy recovery.

Comments

  1. She is beautiful and so blessed to have you as you are to have her. I have all the warm fuzzy feelings reading this. Lots of prayers for her and the hands of her surgical team!

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  2. Thank you for the update! It's so hard finding "normal" with ANY toddler, let alone one who has been through so much! I have no doubt you'll get there. She DOES look bigger! And older! It's so amazing to see her change like that!

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  3. Felicity looks awesome -- so healthy and happy!

    You know, I just watched a film the other day called The Dark Matter of Love and it was about adoption, and adoptive children (especially those who have been in orphanages) needing to learn to love, and biological children adapting to new siblings. They spoke of the "dance" adoptive parents and children do, and learning just how to move with each other. It looks like you are doing a great job. She has had a lot of changes, as have you, and you and your husband are so courageous. Give yourself credit, because you deserve it.

    Also, I have a friend who adopted two Chinese girls. She told me once that Chinese orphans (probably all orphans in large institutional orphanages) learn very early that to cry doesn't result in any action, so they stop crying. You know how infants often have crying spells as the end of the day, just because they are overstimulated? I wonder if that developmental milestone was simply delayed or suppressed, and now she knows crying results in comfort, so she cries. Simply comfort her, but don't try to figure out the "why" for a while. Maybe some baby wearing during the day would help -- got a backpack?

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    Replies
    1. Thanks Barbara! When we first got Felicity, she would fall and hurt herself and not even make a whimper. I cannot tell you how happy I was the first day she fell and actually started to cry! Since then, she has found her voice (and cry) :-) !

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