Tuesday, May 20, 2014

What I did not expect

Our adoption journey has taken on such different meaning now that we have been matched.  And I have had reactions that I did not expect.  Once matched, I did not expect . . .

That the orphan crisis would take on a new meaning.
I have wanted to adopt since before I was married.  I have prayed for these children even more so over the last several years, but I did not expect that my heart would break even more for these little ones.  The first few days after accepting Felicity's referral, I was happy, but even more, I was sad.  I would look at her face and cry.  I wished that she did not need to be adopted.  I was sad for her and for all that she had gone through in her young life.  For her abandonment and all the brokenness in the world that had caused her to need to be adopted.  The fact that there are over 147 million orphans in the world took on a whole new meaning when I had the face of a child in front of me that is my daughter and an orphan.

My heart would break for Felicity's birth parents in a new way.
When the tears fell for her, they also fell for her parents.  Especially for her mom.  I am sure she thinks about her daughter; wondering if she is OK, wondering if she has been adopted by a loving family.  I pray for healing for Felicity's mom.  For peace for her.  What a difficult decision she had to make.  She is a true hero in so many ways. Making such a tough decision, to do what she felt best for her daughter.  Because of Felicity's mom's heroic sacrifice, my life will be forever blessed.  For that, I owe her my gratitude and prayers.

That this time of waiting would feel so hard
Oh, this process seemed so easy until now.  And I used to complain . . . complain about the delays, and how long it had been taking, but those days were so easy compared to now.  Now, I stare at a face waiting for me to come get her.  I have a child who is not with us because of the length of the process and the paperwork.  And that is hard.  I just want her home with us.  I know that these days will go by quickly.  We have fundraising to do, homeschooling to complete and big changes in homeschooling that we need to prepare for. We have home projects to get done and girl stuff to buy.  Yes, the days will be full and go by faster than I expect, but right now waiting to go get her is HARD.

That I would stare at her photo every chance I would get
Her picture is in almost every room in our house.  Felicity is in our living room, on our refrigerator, on a shelf by our front door, and I have two pictures of her in our bedroom.  I look at her pictures ALL THE TIME.  And I lift up prayers for her when ever I have a quiet moment.  I think I do this because I do not want to forget that I have a child that is not with me right now, and that needs my attention and prayers just as much as the boys that surround me.

That there would be so much joy
The joy comes when looking at her pictures, in hearing my boys say "our little sister,"  in the congratulations from friends and family.  It comes from the kindness all around me, sharing in our joy.  Felicity has brought so much joy and happiness to us already . . . she is already living up to her name!

6 comments:

  1. Love the new blog look! I also love your fresh perspective from an insider's view. It's a beautiful space. The waiting period is excruciating, but brings you closer to Jesus in a new way as you lean on Him every step of the way. By the time you hold that little lady, your heart will be ready to burst. So glad to be on this special journey with you and your little flower. :)

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  2. Katie- I think, honestly, this is my favorite post of yours. I remember when lil' Aaron was born being shocked by some of the emotions/new perspectives that were flying at me. It's fascinating to read your new emotions/perspectives now that you have your baby girl. And, I just have to say again, Felicity is honestly the best name of all time. I am not just saying that either, I always said if we had a girl, I'd name her Felicity (the husband- not so much). Love Love Love. I can't wait for you to have her in your arms. Seriously, can't wait.

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  3. The best part? She's not an orphan anymore :o)

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  4. The best part? She's not an orphan anymore! :o)

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