Wednesday, May 8, 2013

A post that I have been wanting to write for a while: The Journey to YES: Part I

I  had wanted to write a special post about our journey to a "yes" to adoption, but last week I realized that way too many people were asking me about adoption and I do not like to lie.  I have said  a lot lately and I am not good at keeping secrets (my own, not others). So, I figured I would just put it out there in a 7 Quick Takes and come back to a more in-depth post another time.

If you have been around here for a while and read my posts about why I decided to do the Run for the Little Flowers, you know that adoption has been on my heart for years.  And about 2 years ago, I thought God was saying yes.  We moved forward.  Then stopped.  Truthfully, my husband and I were not on the same page with it all.  And we needed to stop. While he trusted my discernment and believed that God may be calling us to adopt, he was just not "there" yet.  And I knew he needed to be.  So, as hard as it was to stop, we put adoption plans on hold.  At the time, it seemed like it may be permanent.

And last year was HARD for me.  It was hard letting go of the possibility of adoption.  I was not sure why God would put it on my heart SO STRONGLY for it not to be His will.  What made it worse was that it felt like I could not hear God anymore.  I would go to prayer and adoration and NOTHING.  I am not saying I always have to feel something, but I could not even feel HIS presence anymore.  I would not go so far to say that it was a "Dark Night" of the soul, but I think I got a little taste of it.  During this time I threw adult-sized temper tantrums that I am not proud of.  I just wanted something, anything from HIM.  I wanted to feel that He was still there and that He knew how I was feeling.

By the summer, I needed to move forward and that was how the Run for the Little Flowers came about.  As spreading the word for the run progressed and my work for it grew, I started to feel HIM more.  I began to hear HIM again and recognized HIM at work.  And I knew He was going to do something big.

While planning the run, my hubby began to mention that he was beginning to feel like God was calling us to adopt.  He even suggested that I attend Created for Care. I did not jump all over it, like I would have a year before.  Instead, I just said, let's pray about it and that we should discuss it more once the run was over.

And once the run was over, I felt like God was saying something very clearly . . . .

Wait

Rest in the Lord and wait patiently for Him.  Psalm 37:7
 
 Wait for the LORD; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the LORD! Psalm 27:14

It was in every scripture I read.  I heard of the virtues of waiting patiently on the Lord while listening to a sermon on the radio.  It was in a book that showed up in the mail. God was speaking loud and clear again and He was saying to wait.  The strange thing is is that He was probably saying it all along last year and I just refused to hear it.  After all, I did write this post on waiting at the beginning of last year.

And that is exactly where I stayed for months.  WAIT. Wait on HIM.  As we came to the close of 2012, I knew we were moving closer to starting the adoption process, to God's yes, but I knew we were not quite there yet. And I was totally at peace with that.



To be continued . . .

10 comments:

  1. I love this. Can't wait to hear more about your story, it is a tremendous witness to me!

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  2. Riveting! I can't wait to read more.

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  3. Oh, so exciting to hear how God led you to this point in your journey as a family!

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  4. Wonderful story! So excited for the next installment.

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  5. I just keep thinking that one day you will read this story, in it's entirety, to your little one. And, it will be beautiful!! :)
    Keeping you all in our prayers....and eager to help with the next Little Flowers Virtual Run in any way I can!!

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