So, by the time Andrew was 18 months old, we knew God was
saying no to having more children at the time.
And, as mentioned before, He provided so much peace about it, that we
knew we had discerned correctly. Yet,
even with that peace, I had to mourn the fact the we might not ever have any
more children. Yes, we were still open
to life, of course, but from the time after Andrew’s birth, until today, we
practiced NFP faithfully to avoid pregnancy.
And it took time to accept that we might not have any more
children. There were times when I would
hold a friend’s new born baby and then go home and cry because I knew I might
not ever know the joy of holding my own baby again. We live in a community where life is
celebrated and families are large.
Usually more than one friend is pregnant at a time. In those early days, each pregnancy
announcement was met with great joy for the friend, but often left me with an
empty feeling. I understood, in many
(I started writing this post months ago, but have not had time to refine it and finish it. I have felt the need to hit "publish" lately though. Maybe it is because Hope is too quickly approaching 12 months old and my desire to share it's sentiments would be lost soon. Or maybe it is because this week is the March for Life and the sacredness of life is before me in a precious little girl and I want to remember that, in words, here. But whatever the reason, here is our story of seeking God's will and and being open to life.)
Shortlyafter we announced that we wereexpectingbaby Hope, I felt that I needed to
share ourNFPstory. Partially, it was because
we had so many people say thingslike, "What a
miracle!" or share stories of how people they knew were infertile, adopted
and then had a baby of their own, thatI feltthat many people probably got the
wrong idea about why we had three boys, waited a while and adopted and then
found out we were expecting a baby wh…
But now, O LORD, You are our Father, We are the clay, and You our potter; And all of us are the work of Your hand. Isaiah 6:48
There are boxes being unpacked in our home. Boxes packed and meant to be unpacked in a different home, our new home, in a matter of two weeks.
About two weeks before Christmas things changed. Situations changed. And what we were convinced was God's will just months before, seemed so unlike it now. Things beyond our control happened and suddenly we were praying and we felt that the best and only solution was to walk away from this new house. And at the end of a week of uncertainty, anxiety and tension, once the decision was made to walk away from the house, there was a great deal of peace. But, as the dust settles from the decision, even though we know it is the best for everyone involved, there is still sadness, still this sense of loss. As we have prayed again and again, we know each of all of the steps we have made in this whole house journey …