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This is the better

I think God is trying to drive home a lesson to me this Christmas season.

Like so many others, we live in a home. We purchased this house several years ago.  My dream home? Far from it.  Although it is big enough for us, it often feels small and cramped.  There is strange stucco on the walls in the hall way. Paneling in too many rooms to admit to.  A powder pink bathroom with wall paper.  Metal kitchen cabinets with fake wood paneling.  And a kitchen floor that is peeling up everywhere. I am well acquainted with my home's flaws.

I have dreamt about moving to a bigger, nicer house. I have dreamt about totally remodeling this one.  But, seven years later, we are still in this house.  And the only remodeling we have done is to add more dents to the kitchen floor, stains to the carpet, and holes and dings to the walls.

Maybe I am having "The Seven Year Itch" with my house.  But, this year, more than others, I longed for a remodel.  I longed for a new home.  And the more I longed, the more the "I cannot have anyone over" feeling grew. It has always been there.  This strange embarrassment over our home not being perfect.  But, this year it was intensified. And I thought of the perfect solution: A new home.  I had found it.  A big, beautiful house in the same town.  I envisioned homeschooling in the kitchen near the fire place. Designing classes and having other kids over to teach them too.  Play dates in the large backyard.  It was perfect really. Oh, you know, except for the fact, that purchasing a new home is not only not realistic, but would not be the best financial decision ever.  Plus, the house went under contract a month after it popped up on the market.

It was the day that I found out that "my dream home" went under contract. I told my husband and he said, "God just has something better."

I was tired of hearing it.  I had heard it when the possible adoption of the twins fell through.  When I could not run the National Marathon.  When it finally struck me that we probably would not have any more biological children.  I was done hearing it.  What could God have that is better?  The options were running out.

Then, my wise husband said, "Maybe where we live is the better."

That struck me. But, I did not want to hear it.  How could this smaller, oh so outdated home be the better?

On the way home from Buffalo at Thanksgiving, we stopped by the Abbey of the Genesee to pick up some Monk's Bread.  They have a bookstore too and  I was drawn to this one book: Radical Hospitality:Benedict's Way of Love.  I bought it. I have yet to start reading, knowing it will challenge me exactly how I need to be challenged.  Then today, I read this blog post titled: Your House is Only As Big as Your Hospitality.

I may not always be good at following the prompting of the Spirit, but I heard Him loud and clear today.

Yes, maybe this is the better.

Maybe it is living in this house that will teach me more about what true hospitality is, what true friendship is.  Maybe it will be living in this home that will teach me more about God's goodness. God's faithfulness.  That God's blessings are less about things of this world and more about the world to come.


  1. I am new to your blog and looking forward to reading about your life. I have friends who don't have people over for that very reason. I have been to people's houses that are less than perfect and it IS hospitality that matters. I am sorry to hear about your failed adoption and your IF. Praying for you.


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