Skip to main content

A topic I do not blog about much

Before I got married, I could not imagine having more than two kids.  I guess since I came from a family of two, two seemed more than enough.  More than two seemed a bit crazy. Ten years of marriage and three kids later and I cannot imagine life without these three boys.  And I would love to have more kids.  It is not because I want to "try for a girl".  I really do not care if I ever have a girl.  It is because being a mom is the best thing I have ever done and I realize clearly that children are a gift.

But, for reasons I do not want to share or feel the need to explain, we are in a position that having any more children is not likely. About 90% of the time I am totally at peace with that and do not even think about the fact that my three boys are all that I may have.  But at other times it is hard.

We live in one of those rare communities where the teachings of the Catholic Church are celebrated and where children are not seen as a burden, but for what they are, a gift.  A joy. A blessing.  So, we are surrounded by big families and many pregnant women.  With each announcement of another family expecting, I am truly happy for them, but it is a little reminder that I am not one of them, nor am I likely to become one of them.

Yesterday, I was at a bridal shower.  The bride-to-be had just gotten a full set of silver ware and for some reason, it was getting passed around.  The box was heavy.  When it came to my area of the room, a pregnant friend sitting near me said, "Pass it to Katie. She is not pregnant." Now, I know that she meant nothing by it, nor could she have known how it would affect me. But, it was like salt in a wound I did not even know I had.  At that moment I wanted nothing more than to crawl out of that room, find the closest bathroom and cry. 

My life is very full and blessed.  I am married to the best man I know. I have three great sons.  Homeschooling my boys, working part time as a personal trainer and life coach, and working to achieve my own goals (my running), I feel blessed everyday.  And counting my thousand gifts has helped me stay centered on that.  But, it is the moments that I am reminded of the blessings that may not come that bring me to a place of prayer, asking God for peace and acceptance of His Will.


  1. Katie,
    Love the new look to the blog.

    I'm without words to offer as comfort. God bless you.

  2. Katie, sorry that happened at such a fun day. You know how I feel and you have comforted me at my "not being pregnant"...Thy will be done. You are doing a great job and taking those salty moments give us a chance to offer it up for our children we do cherish. Thanks for your openness to this state in life. You are a great friend. +JMJ+

  3. Katie
    {{}} Those moments do hurt, rationally you know your friend didn't intend to hurt, but it is the little moments that can catch us off guard{{}}

  4. Really like the header and look of the blog/
    Will pray for increasing peace and less 'salty' days.

  5. Im so sorry Katie. I wish I knew what to say to bring you some comfort. Everyone has their own way to deal with that.

    There was only one way for me to get over my feelings of wanting more kids. I wouldnt look at babies or even hold them for about a year. I think babies have magical powers;D hahaha

    Now Im cool with it. The thought of having more kids now is not as appealing.

  6. First, I love your new header. But to the point at hand, I am so sorry that you guys are going through this. It is such a difficult cross. I know that many times for me it was those little things that had the biggest impact. And sometimes I would feel okay with things at the time they happened, but later it would really effect me. I sometimes wonder if I have another loss in the future, if it might be even harder for me now. Even though I will obviously have my little guy to comfort and distract me, I would also truly know how great the gift is that I lost. I imagine it is the same for you - knowing how wonderful your boys are and how much joy they bring to your life, in some ways that makes it harder. Praying for you and willing to talk anytime.

  7. Sometimes I think of my "uber-fertility" as a cross, but your post reminds me how much of a blessing it really is. Needed this today!!

  8. Could have written this myself... Prayers for your intentions.

  9. I think it is wonderful that you were brave enough to blog about your feelings. I agree that it is very difficult in this area sometimes and have come home more than once in tears from a friend's off-hand comment. Wouldn't want to be anywhere else though! Will keep you in my prayers...


Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Fasting and the Current State of Our Church

I love researching diets.  If it is new and popular, I probably have read about it some and maybe have even tried it.  Lately, fasting has gained popularity.  You can find books that will provide research on just how good fasting is for the body.  And, I have been intrigued, mainly because I am horrible at fasting and the thought of restricting myself from eating food completely sounds too extreme. 

As Catholics we are called to days of fasting and abstinence, and for as strong as I like to think I am, I am quite a wimpy "faster."  But, after reading a great deal about fasting and its physical benefits, I started to feel like God was asking me to get more serious about fasting, not for the physical benefits but for the spiritual ones.  My husband and I were out for a walk the other night and I was talking about my new found respect for fasting and how I feel called to do it more, for spiritual reasons, and I started to speak about how amazing it is that fasting has so many …

Settling In

I find it ironic that the last post I posted was about our move that did not happen and how God wanted me to be moldable.  When I typed those words and prayed those words, "God make me moldable," "Move to Wisconsin" was NOT what I was envisioning.  But, sometimes God's will is surprising and unexpected.

So, here we are.  18 days as Wisconsinites.  So many people have called and texted, asking me how we are doing and I often find my words fall short.  I am better at reflecting and writing out my thoughts, so this is for all those who have asked and are wondering . . .

We are doing well.  The move has felt very natural in so many ways.  It feels comfortable here. I haven't felt out of place or a "fish out of water" here at all. The kids all like it here.  Some miss their friends tremendously, which is expected.  One of my "littles" has shown some regression, also expected, but everyone is adjusting so well to the new house and neighborhood. …

Simple Woman's Daybook - Back to School Edition

Outside my window...
It is cold!

I am thinking...
About starting up school again today . . . back the the "grind." I happy to get back into our routine again.

I am thankful for...
Having some time to sit and blog!

I am wearing...
Fleece lounge pants with little green frogs on them! I love wearing these when it is cold.

I am remembering...
All the great times we had as a family the past two weeks.

I am going...
To work on my long to-do list!

I am currently reading...
Nothing . . . I am in the mood for a good novel, but I am not sure which . . . any suggestions?

I am hoping...
That my leg heals quickly so that I can start running again this week. I have something called Anterior Compartment Syndrome in my left leg. I have not run much in the last three weeks and now I have not even been able to workout this past week (by physical therapist's orders). I miss running and working out. I am so much happier and easier to live with when I start my day with exercise.

On my mind...
I am really …