So, by the time Andrew was 18 months old, we knew God was
saying no to having more children at the time.
And, as mentioned before, He provided so much peace about it, that we
knew we had discerned correctly. Yet,
even with that peace, I had to mourn the fact the we might not ever have any
more children. Yes, we were still open
to life, of course, but from the time after Andrew’s birth, until today, we
practiced NFP faithfully to avoid pregnancy.
And it took time to accept that we might not have any more
children. There were times when I would
hold a friend’s new born baby and then go home and cry because I knew I might
not ever know the joy of holding my own baby again. We live in a community where life is
celebrated and families are large.
Usually more than one friend is pregnant at a time. In those early days, each pregnancy
announcement was met with great joy for the friend, but often left me with an
empty feeling. I understood, in many
But now, O LORD, You are our Father, We are the clay, and You our potter; And all of us are the work of Your hand. Isaiah 6:48
There are boxes being unpacked in our home. Boxes packed and meant to be unpacked in a different home, our new home, in a matter of two weeks.
About two weeks before Christmas things changed. Situations changed. And what we were convinced was God's will just months before, seemed so unlike it now. Things beyond our control happened and suddenly we were praying and we felt that the best and only solution was to walk away from this new house. And at the end of a week of uncertainty, anxiety and tension, once the decision was made to walk away from the house, there was a great deal of peace. But, as the dust settles from the decision, even though we know it is the best for everyone involved, there is still sadness, still this sense of loss. As we have prayed again and again, we know each of all of the steps we have made in this whole house journey …
This past weekend we went to a book party for a priest friend who had his second book Living the Beatitudes:A Journey to Life in Christ published last fall. The party was hosted by another Catholic author. And, after the cake was cut and people were sitting quietly, the host of the party began to speak. He began to talk about how great this book is and how insightful so much of it is. Then he began to share quotes from it. And I felt as if he chose two of them for me:
"Waiting is the training ground of trust."
"Beauty is the crescendo of waiting"
Now, although we have this book and my husband has read it, I have not (sorry, Fr. B). But that night, I sat with the book while my hubby and I sat down to attempt to watch a movie and I scoured the book for the above quotes. Too shy to ask the host for the pages for these quotes, I skimmed page by page until I found them. And after I found the first quote, I was confronted with line after line about waiting. I read…