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Some homeschooling honesty

Since starting school a few weeks ago, I have blogged about it some. And since I have that lovely "linked within" at the bottom of my posts, past homeschooling posts have come up. And I noticed one thing; I have not blogged much about homeschooling since I first started. And there is a reason for that.

I will admit, I do not love homeschooling. It is not easy for me. I have never been one of those women who knew she wanted to homeschool from the moment she held a baby in her arms. I am not crafty, creative, and, unless I have the calendar opened in front of me, I do not remember who is the Saint of the day. I love to teach, but to teach my own children is not quite the same as teaching teens or adults.

Many days I struggle. A few tears are shed (by me) and I wonder how I am going to get through the year. But, I know that homeschooling is our best option. The public schools here are not very good and the local Catholic school is out of our price range.

I have shied away from talking to new homeschoolers . . . I do not say much because I do not want to ruin their enthusiasm. My enthusiasm left me within the first few months of homeschooling.

I want to make sure you know a few things:
- I LOVE being with my kids all day long
- I love the curriculum we use. It fits J's learning style and makes him excited about school , when I am not sure he would be if he were in a traditional school setting.

But, having the weight of my children's education on my shoulders entirely is stressful. J struggles with reading and writing. And, as irrational as this may be, since I am his teacher, I wonder if I am doing something "wrong". Am I teaching him enough? Am I pushing him too much? And what about the other boys? Am I spending enough time with them? Is K going to struggle the same way J is? What about A?

Yesterday I read Danielle Bean's Blog. I cried when I read it. It was so refreshing to read a blog by a seasoned homeschooler. A seasoned homeschooler who felt the EXACT SAME WAY I do. Thanks Danielle, for your honesty!

And, then there are moments that make me feel that "all is good" and I must be doing something right . . .
- When J gets that little smile of satisfaction, face glowing, after reading a story.
- When K can, finally, spell his first name after making up a silly song about it so that he can remember it!
- When J gets totally interested in all things history.

Why does homeschooling have to be so hard??

Oh, yes, I know the answer. I told J this just yesterday during his fife lesson, when he looked at me and said,
"Mommy, this is hard."

My response,

"I will let you in on a little secret. Most things worthwhile are hard."

Comments

  1. When my dad first mentioned homeschooling to my mom she said, "You're not putting me in that trap!" [smile] But now she says over and over, "It's so worth it!"

    I struggled with reading for years. In fact, as I often say, I've much improved since college. Homeschooling was actually ideal for me because it meant I could go at my own pace. May that encourage you as your children will have their own pace for each subject... some they will excel in, others they may lag behind. And that's okay!

    May the weight be lifted. May you find joy in learning with your children. And may the worries be replaced by continual reminders of how wonderful this journey is...

    ~Luke

    ReplyDelete
  2. I think working in the Texas public school system really gave me some perspective on the education of children. Even for my struggling learners (and I do have a couple), I know they are so much better off at home with me where their difficulties can be addressed and/or worked around, than lost in the system.
    (Of course, as I type,my nutty 4 year old is reading these words out loud. He's a completely different story. How am I ever going to challenge him enough?)

    You are absolutely right, things worth achieving are usually hard.

    ReplyDelete
  3. We are two peas in a pod when it comes to homeschooling. Although I would love to be at home with my kids, we would be off doing fieldtrips everyday. I know I would not be a good teacher, and we are very lucky to be able to send them to an awesome Catholic school (but only because I am the school's accountant!). Since my hubby teaches at the Catholic high school, we will get a huge discount there as well when the kids are older. We are so blessed in this way, and even though I could complain about money all day long, I just have to remember our education circumstances, and I can shut myself right up!

    I KNOW I would be homeschooling if we didn't have our current situation, and I truly admire the moms who do it. You rock!

    P.S. Go for the triathalon, I think you will surprise yourself :)

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  4. Thank you for your honesty. I struggle with the creative stuff in general with my kids.

    I bet you are a wonderful teacher!

    ReplyDelete
  5. I hope that as the days go by, it will become lighter and easier for you. And count the beautiful moments when things go well, when kids enjoyed, when they give you a hug and say thanks. Not everyday will be like that, but everyday is a day that builds to deeper relationship and more love for learning.

    ReplyDelete
  6. My enthusiasm for homeschooling left me about 5 minutes after we started and I don't even do anything. At times it almost feels like a necessary evil...depending on the day you ask me and the state of our house...maybe I just need to go run more

    ReplyDelete
  7. great thoughts! this was actually a pep talk for me. i'm feeling increasingly called to homeschool but have been wracked by doubts as the call increases :) it's nice to know that sometimes you accept the call and still feel the doubt :)

    ReplyDelete

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