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The "D" Word

That is what we use to refer to divorce in our house. My oldest son is old enough to want to know everything and I know he world ask what divorce is if we talked about it in front of him. Although it has come up a few times in conversation and we have explained to him that not all mommies and daddies stay together, this is not a conversation I want to have with him too often. Life can be harsh and I do not want him to have to worry about it too much yet. The realities of life will come soon enough . . . I want him to be happy being a kid right now.

The other day, my husband spoke to an old co-worker of ours. He asked how another one of our co-workers was doing and he said "I am going to have to call Tina and see how she and Jeff are doing." (Jeff and Tina were both co-workers of ours that got married 1 week after we did and they have 2 girls). Tim said to my husband "I would not do that. They got divorced a little while ago."

Now when Pete told me I was surprised . . . . they were not even married 7 years. And then, I was not so surprised. Tina and Jeff had dated for years and were engaged once before they got married (and they broke it off). Tina seemed afraid to get married and many people joked about the wedding. Many people went just to see if it would really happen. In our classical style, we were late for the wedding, so we missed the vows, but friends of yours at the wedding said, they thought they would see a real life Run Away Bride because the bride looked so nervous during the vows. So, then I began to wonder why they got married . . . it seemed ill fated from the beginning.

It is sad to hear these stories. I am a hopeless romantic and I want to believe that the "power of love" can overcome any obstacle, but being married for almost 7 years has taught me otherwise. Love is powerful, but it is the commitment that keeps a marriage going and growing when those "squishy love feelings" are no where to be found. When I got married, I knew that marriage was forever. God has brought us together and only God (through death) will take us apart. For me, there is a great peace in that. I know that our marriage will last forever because I am committed to it (and so is my husband).

When I have heard couples who have been married for 50+ years talk, few of them say, we just hoped it would last. No, often they say, there were times that it was tough. There were times we wondered why we got married. But we stayed together. These are the couples that are so in love. My grandparents were one of these couples. Even though my grandmother passed away many years ago, I can still see the love in my grandfather's eyes for his "Jeanie Girl".

My parents were also a great example of this. Growing up, I remember my parents fighting often. Many times, I would ask if they were getting a divorce. As a child I worried what would happen to our family if they did get a divorce. One day, I was in the car with my Dad. And I remember him saying, "I know your mom and I fight a lot. Sometimes that is what people who are married do. But, we love each other very much would never get divorced." Today, they are still happily married.

So, I am not afraid of the "D" word . . . we have got the perfect thing to fight against it . . . we love each other, we are committed to marriage and we have the grace of God and the sacrament of marriage to get us through the tough times that will come.

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